


The Bard Pileup

by HardingInHightown (TeaJunkie42)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Pathfinder (Roleplaying Game), SHAKESPEARE William - Works, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gratuitous Smut, M/M, Multi, Orgy, Shameless Smut, The Hanged Man (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaJunkie42/pseuds/HardingInHightown
Summary: Jaskier(sticking with the show version), Varric, Leliana, Isabela (who isn’t a bard, but she’s a rogue that loves to party), Sham the elf Bard(Pathfinder player character), Shakespeare(THE bard) run into each other in the Hanged Man, because why not. They get a little sloppy drunk and a pile of fun ensues. A literal pile.
Relationships: Bethany Hawke/Isabela, Isabela (Dragon Age)/Everyone, Jaskier | Dandelion/Other(s), Leliana & Varric Tethras, Varric Tethras/Other(s)





	The Bard Pileup

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing dirty. You can expect more dirty from me in the future, but probably with more story to it.

“So” slurs Varric, “I have a room here”... five sets of slightly glassy eyes turned to speaker, then slowly they looked at each other. Isabela, the first to jump on board, “I’m in, the elf is too”. Sham chuckled, “pfft, sure. We just pulled off a major victory, this Druid and I pulled a whole scene where I dressed as a goblin deity and she used her magic and, anyway, we’ve got some downtime and I could stand to blow off some steam”. Isabela slipped her arm around the much taller Sham, “told you she was in'.” Sham leaned down and ran her tongue along Isabela’s neck. Leliana stared, transfixed, “I’m in, I’m definitely in”. The girls looked to the last two in their little drinking circle. A small balding man, and a rather….jaunty-looking minstrel who’d wandered in. “What about you Dandelion? Or was it Buttercup? Are you in?” the man in brightly colored silk paused “it’s Jaskier these days, and if The Bard is in, I’m in too, this sounds like a delightful way to pass the night”. All eyes turned to the small balding man, “you in?” the question had come from Varric. With a slight nod, the man stood “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.” Varric looked to the rest of the group, “I think that’s a yes, let's head up stairs and get familiar with those...entrances and exits and play with some parts, shall we?” 

The group headed up the stairs to a suite, the nicest in the Hanged Man, although that is about like picking a prettiest darkspawn. It has a table, chairs, a roaring fire, and a giant bed that's fairly clean. “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the nicest room in the filthiest inn in Kirkwall”. Isabela, eager to start the fun “okay, ladies and gents, down to your bloomers, let’s go, the fire is warm and we should get this party started” As everyone removed their clothes, the small balding fellow, who had announced his name as Will, shouted “Cry ‘havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war”. 

Leliana moved to Isabela and Sham, placing an arm around each, she drew them toward the bed, eager to get her hands on them before the men jumped in and got greedy. What she didn’t realize was that three sets of male eyes were absolutely transfixed. “Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie” Varric and Jaskier both looked at Will, still in his funny little pantaloons, then each other… “what he said?” “Definitely what he said” and with that they turned back to watch the three women on the bed. The incredibly tall elf in the middle, swapping between sampling Leliana’s lips and Isabela’s. Hands began to roam, until they seemed to be a writhing mass of seeking and massaging hands and shared kisses. “Shall we, fellows?” Jaskier managed to say, “I honestly thought you were only interested in the company men..” Varric asked. “I fall in love with everyone” Jaskier tossed over his shoulder as he moved to join the ladies on the bed. “Well, Skinny, I’m diving into that pile too, what say you?” Will dropped his pantaloons and all action stopped. “Flesh stays no further reason, but rising at thy name” no one could respond. For in dropping his drawers, Will had revealed an erection that would make a Clydesdale doubt his manhood, if horses thought about such things. It was a cock to write sonnets about. Long thick ones. “Oh happy dagger, this is thy sheath!” Sham moved forward and ran a hand along Will’s massive appendage. The contrast of the incredibly tall elf and the diminutive man pulled a chuckle from Jaskier, “hers is the only sheath it might fit in”

With that, all action resumed. Sham led Will to the edge of the bed, and Leliana and Isabela knelt before him. They each took a turn running their tongue along the shaft, sharing kisses along the way. Will rested a hand on each of their heads, head tilted back in pleasure. Jaskier and Varric, both incredibly aroused at this point, moved to Sham as the others continued. Varric, eye level with Sham’s navel, took the opportunity to remove her drawers and trail his tongue along her hip bone. Jaskier reached around from behind her, fondling her breasts and trailing his tongue along her shoulder blade, his erect member pressed into her thigh. “Um, this may work better for all of us if we use the bed, you’re a bit tall my lovely” and with that he took her hips and guided her to the bed, where she knelt on the edge. “Oh no my dear, on your back, let us feast on you” Sham turned to her back and Varric approached the juncture of her thighs, running a finger through her slit, then following with his tongue. He slowly tasted her, avoiding the most sensitive knot in the center, teasing her. Jaskier sat next to her, and alternated kisses and swirls of his tongue, ranging from her neck to her breasts. She grabbed Varric’s hair and guided him to that center spot. And he obliged, taking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, ripping a moan from her throat. This caught the attention of the other trio. “I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy…” Will moved around the bed, shooing Varric and Jaskier away. Sham turned over again, positioning one knee on the bed and her foot on the floor, so she could accommodate Will’s shorter stature. “Back to that sheathing I mentioned earlier…”

Will accepted Sham’s invitation and positioned the head of his flesh-toned anaconda at her moist entrance. He pushed in slowly, drawing a moan from the elf. “Good heavens, even I might not be able to take all of that monster. It’s literally the largest cock I’ve ever seen” Will remained silent as he slowly began sliding in and out of Sham’s welcoming warmth, as he began to pump a little faster he yelled “Ay, there’s the rub”. As Will filled her from behind, Jaskier knelt in front of her, and she took his cock into her mouth, sucking and licking all while moaning from the pleasure of Will’s beast of a blade. “Well ladies, while the other gentlemen are occupied, what shall we do?” Leliana chuckled “come here, dwarf, and we’ll see to you.” She motioned Varric to sit on the bed, and knelt before him “well, not everything is smaller on dwarves” Isabela stepped next to her, “well I’ll be damned, that’s quite a cock shorty” with that, Isabela pushed him back and straddled him, lowering down, taking in his thick meat. She began rolling her body, reminiscent of the ocean she loved, riding him slowly. Not to be left out, Leliana moved to the bed, straddling his face, and leaning forward to suck the tips of Isabela’s breasts into her mouth, alternating between them. They both rode the dwarf, eventually connecting mouths and dancing their tongues together. Eventually all three were moaning intensely and they barely could hold it together well enough to continue. Meanwhile Sham, Will, and Jaskier were much in the same state. 

Jaskier turned, pulling Leliana back, away from Isabela whose hips were now rocking frantically, nearing a release for her and for Varric. Jaskier took Leliana’s lips, as she moaned her release. She slid from Varric’s face and turned to Jaskier, catching his mouth again in time to swallow his gasp and he came, emptying himself into Sham’s mouth. She swallowed his load just in time, as Will exploded inside her with a shout, she too experienced  _ la petit mort.  _ Isabela screamed as Varric growled, and everyone paused, in an attempt to catch their breath. Sham was the first to move, crawling to lay her head on the pillow “come on, a moment's repose might do us some good”. Isabela climbed over Varric, joining Sham, Jaskier and Leliana stretched out as well. Varric rolled over and found a spot, leaving Will and his massive dangling cock. “My legs are weary; when my tongue is too, I will bid you good night.” With that, he joined them on the bed, kneeling between Isabela’s legs, tasting the moisture there, and combination of juices. He licked and sucked, drawing gasps and moans from the pirate. Isabela turned, motioning Sham to give her access to her center. Sham leaned to Varric, whose cock had stirred in the presence of the resuming activities. She began stroking his cock and led him to give her mouth access. Jaskier positioned himself behind Varric and leaned in, whispering a question in his ear. “May I enter?” Varric nodded, “I fall in love with everyone too” and with that, Jaskier pushed between Varric’s cheeks, entering him. Leliana moved beside Will, sliding under him. She took his tumescent cock in hand, and took the swollen head into her mouth. She couldn’t fit much more, but she worked his length with her hands. They each continued, pleasuring and being pleasured, as again the moans grew more urgent. Jaskier was the first to climax, and his climax set off Varric’s, he sprayed his load all over Sham’s chest, while Isabela’s mouth brought her to a screaming orgasm. Just as Sham’s screams began, so did Isabela’s. Will’s tongue was indeed as mighty as his sword. Will also found his release, emptying himself all over Leliana. Breathing heavily again, they all looked to Leliana, who had been neglected in this last round of attentions. Isabela grabbed a tunic and wiped the mess off of her chest, following it with her tongue. Will moved to the joint of her thighs, laving her slit. Sham moved to one breast, Isabela settling at the other, tongues lavishing attention, hands roaming about. Isabela moved to her mouth, and Varric moved to her breast. Jaskier moved to her feet, licking and sucking her toes, between moans Leliana managed to rasp out “Jaskier, how did you know?” In truth...he didn’t, but he did like feet. It didn’t take long for the intense attention to rip orgasm after orgasm through Leliana’s body. “Stop! If you all pleasure me anymore, I will die” 

In a haze, they lay in their pile. Dozing in and out. The scent of raw sex drifting around them. All thoroughly spent. Boots on the stairs woke the group, all raising their heads to look at the doorway. “Andraste’s blessed knickers, what the devil is going on in here?” Bethany Hawke stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. “Bethany! What would mother say about you talking like...what the devil is this?” Serah Hawke joined her sister on the landing and surveyed the pile of nude...were they all bards? Another set of boots joined them on the landing. A large man with silver hair and amber eyes looked from the Hawke sisters to the room, “Jaskier? Again?” A chorus of voices repeated “Again?” All eyes on the man… “and again and again”

Will piped up at this, “good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow” he hopped from the bed, yanked on his clothes, and headed to the door. “Hey, we never caught your name or where you’re from?” With a flourishing bow, he stated “it is Shakespeare my friends, the bard of Avon” and with that he was gone. Sham untangled herself next “my party will need me, I’d best be off too.” She grabbed her leathers, slipped into them, and sprinted out. “Jaskier, we’d best be on the road if you’re coming with me?” The large, hunky, amber eyed man reminded Serah of Fenris. “Of course, my Witcher, let us be on our way” with that, Jaskier bounded from the bed, gabbed his clothes, and pranced out the door without donning them. “It was nice to meet you all” and with a smirk and a glint in his eye, he followed the bard down the stairs. “Varric, the Inquisitor is on her way from her trip to the Black Emporium, you and Leliana might ought to pull on some clothes.” Bethany entered the room, “Isabela, dear, what have I told you about orgies?” Isabela froze. Bethany leaned in close, Isabela gulped. “I’m sorry, Bethany, truly, I was drunk, and they were pretty and...and…” Bethany’s lips cut off Isabela’s words. As she pulled away she smacked Isabela’s ass “I told you that I didn’t mind, but you’d have to make it up to me. Now, let’s get back to the manor and we’ll get you all washed up”. Leliana slipped out behind Bethany and Isabela. Hawke turned to Varric “can you believe those two? Of all people?” Varric shook his head “you and the broody elf I saw coming. I saw a lot of coming last night, but those two? No, I would never have guessed” Hawke and Varric walked down the stairs just as Inquisitor Trevelyan walked in, followed by a silver haired elf. “Hawke, good to see you, Varric, we’d better head back. Did you rest well?” Hawke let loose a huge laugh and moved to Fenris. “I don’t know about rest, Varric, take care” and Hawke left. “Do I want to know?” Varric chuckled, “probably not, but Cassandra will have more to read, for certain”. 


End file.
